If you try you may win or lose.. but if you don’t

YOU WILL DEFINITELY LOSE !

Well today was crazy brutal day! I was scheduled to undergo CT Scan at KCC. After spending a sleepless night I reached there by 6.30 am just so that I will be the first one to finish. And then I read the application it said 8AM and No scan without RFT test within a week. Luckily I had done a test at the private hospital yesterday, So I rushed all the way back to that hospital (almost 10 miles) to get that. Did a big mistake, took a wrong turn, what would have taken me 10 minutes took me nearly 45 minutes to reach. After collecting report (which were  normal by God’s grace) I rushed back to KCC.

Now they had me in shock when they asked me to pay 35KD for CT Scan where as I had just 20KD in my pocket. I was just started to get dizzy at this moment, after all that driving on empty stomach this wasn’t expected. I asked several guys if they knew where the nearest ATM was, after being misguided and landing at Maternity hospital by the seaside, I just parked the car and tried to call my wife, she did not pick the phone, after several tries I thought I couldn’t physically take this anymore, probably if I pushed myself further I might meet with an road accident. So I decided to give up and head home. Just when I WAS ABOUT TO EXIT .. I saw the ATM,just for a tiny second. JUST A TINY SECOND.Split second decision, turned the car around and withdrew money, paid the bill, got my CT scan done.

Meanwhile this male nurse groped me while I was on the CT Scan table, honestly it didn’t matter, Since my surgery I became so used to people, touching me,  giving me bath etc etc, I just ignored the dude who was taking advantage of his profession.

Anyways… what should have ended in failure was a success in the end, Just because I tried, let me say that louder BECAUSE I TRIED !!!  Somehow I am not scared of the results anymore, I had this bitter 2 weeks period where I went nuts and made my wife to breakdown. I realized that I was being a jerk with my situation, but then may be I am having mood swings because of the medication. But now I have made my peace, I am going to be as positive as Mount Everest, Gonna stand tall, No matter what!!

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RelationshiT

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, A LOT.  Last week at the church pastor was talking about relationships and how to maintain them even when we think the other person is wrong etc etc, but you see if you replace the P at the end with T relationship is Relationshit which is true in most of cases regardless how saintly you are. People always dump crap on you, and by people I mean your close relatives (now you know who they are). Certain thing happened to me, My dad called me to say that they were passing my inheritance (which is a house I helped them to build) to my son. Now let me be clear, everything that I work for is for my son, I want him to have the best in life, but when my Dad said that he was writing the ‘will’ in my son’s name IT HURT! IT BLOODY HURT. I asked him if he was sure that I was going to die soon, he had no reply to that. He called me back after a while to say that they will write it in my name.

Second incident being my sister who ‘couldn’t make it to my surgery to Bombay’ because of ‘all those reasons’ has gone to stay with her sister-in-law because her brother-in-law is undergoing dialysis IN BOMBAY!. That made me realize that nothing is wrong with the world, but I am evil, may be I don’t see it, but the world thinks that I am a waste and should be discarded at the earliest. It also made me realize that no matter how many gifts you take to people  who are not your immediate family they can never be your own, be it your sister, mother, father.

After all that crying for couple of days (which I believe is happening because of  mood swings which could be the side effect of chemo) I am done with all relationships. DONE !

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Wrestling God

Remember when Jacob wrestled God, and God had to touch the socket of his hip and ask Jacob to let go? yeah! something like that is happening in my life. To be honest I am not religious anymore, I used to be a fanatic once upon a time,but then learnt how to balance ‘life’ and ‘Religion’, anyways.. at present I am undergoing Capepox regimen at KCC (Kuwait Cancer Center). On 26th of October I underwent the second cycle, for the first time I was alone and I was feeling really depressed about it. May be because Aunt Shirley has been accompanying me every time I went to hospital. I SMS’d her saying I was at the hospital and she replied that ‘God is with You, I am praying for you’. And tears just burst out, She’s not my mother but she has given so much love to me that I feel so blessed.

All my stress went away once the Oxaliplatin was administered, it wasn’t painful, Actually I slept like a baby till the procedure was over and then went to work as well. So right now I have issues with constipation, but that’s OK I guess, I have few more months for my cancer Graduation, which means I will be wrestling God throughout this period until he touches my hip socket and blesses me with good health and extended life.

I have no intentions to lose this fight!!

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Dating Xeloda

So I am here in India, Apparently Dr Nilesh Lokeshwar is on vacation, So Dr Adwaita Gore will be treating me for Chemotherapy.

I arrived here on 1st of October, Sairith’s Birthday was on 2nd, had real fun, except that Aunt Annette fell flat on her face while entering the building and it was blood, scream, panic everywhere. Poor thing just recovering from a serious illness, she was bedridden for 7 months and just yesterday she had her first outing and she had the massive fall, but by God’s grace nothing serious happened and she’s such a powerful person she got up and joined party.

Well, about Chemotherapy.. I am a bit scared, not sure how I will cope up with it for next six months and petrified at the thought that It could do some damage to my vital organs, but then I am putting my trust on my God, I am confident that He is true to his promise that He will guide me.

I miss my wife, I had a bitter fight with her just before leaving to India, Yes ! sometimes I could be a jerk, but then fights are all important in life, it’s (NOT) fun when fights happen because of a third person who is usually a ‘monster-in-law’.

Hope this ends well, I seriously want to go back to my family ASAP, although I so love India right now, but home is where your heart is, and my heart is in Kuwait.

So, hopefully I will be dating Xeloda from tomorrow, Xeloda is the name of my medicine, hope she behaves 🙂

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And life still goes on…

Again, it’s happening again, I have stopped updating this place, it’s happening for a reason, and the reason being… I am Getting better.

As said in my previous blog, I arrived in Kuwait with my ileostormy reversal wound re-stitched.  After few days, the wound started to smell again, Boy O’ boy !! i was so scared, So we visited a local doctor at New Mowasat hospital in Kuwait, who assured us that everything was fine and asked me to take bath. And then my brave wife was changing my bandage for next few days while the stitch healed and finally I had my stitches removed. That was a great relief, meanwhile Dr Kamran said that I could visit India by October first week for Full Fox Chemotherapy, which has made my wife very happy.

Meanwhile, My son moved , he’s turning 4 and he already moved out .. to his own room. We painted this vacant room which was used as a dumping room, he’s so happy,

In other news, Showroom is opening in two days, and I have rejoined my workplace for a while now. I get exhausted like hell, but then my colleagues have been kind to me and don’t allow me to do much work.

So I will be booking my tickets in a day or two, more from India. That’s it for now.

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I didn’t have to die to go to heaven

This blogpost is dedicated to my wife,

So as the title says ‘ I didn’t have to die to go to heaven, I just had to go home‘  (Lyric from Heaven by 3 doors down)

So here’s what happened since August 21st.

After meeting Dr Nilesh who is my medical oncologist at Joy hospital, I was  told that ‘all wounds must be healed before the chemotherapy begins’ . Now, since my ileostomy reversal wound had developed puss and wasn’t healing Dr Kamran advised me to get the wound re-stitched again . Ouch !! I know, So Dr Sachin did the needful on August 24th and said that I should let it heal for at least 20 days. SHITT!!!

Now that I had reached the thresh hold of my depression level and aunty Shirley and Uncle Godwin too had gone on 4 days vacation to Mangalore, I couldn’t wait to see my family any longer, so my darling wife booked me a first class ticket and I was home after an exhausting 10 hour journey. But then …. I saw him coming charging towards me at the airport and I knelt down, He hugged me so hard and said ‘Dada, I missed you’ !! and I can tell you, I will fight every damn cancer cell if I have to, I just don’t want to miss my family again. I know God will take care of the situation.

Meanwhile, I am so glad to be back home, Wife has been taking utmost care, I can’t bless the Lord enough for such a wonderful person in my life. (Yeah, she gets ticked when I talk about my mother, but that’s OK, I didn’t ask for a total flawless wife 😆 )

Good news, My shop is under renovation, so I didn’t miss much work. I hope to resume for few days before I head to India for Chemotherapy. Also enjoying driving in Kuwait. I hated being under house arrest during the incessant rains in Bombay.

Nothing more to update now… if you stumbled on this blog for any reason.. Eat fibres, Pray, Love your family, God takes care of every tiny bit of your life.

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Untitled

All is well that ends well, at least all is well, if it has a bright chance to end well.

Something happened since I got discharged from the hospital on August 12th.. I didn’t poop for 4 days, that is FOUR DAYS!!! Then On the fourth day, I had to visit the doctor and was on enema in no time. That was a relief, since then I am pooping on my own. Although there are complications which I don’t like to explain, but things looks good, I’m told it will be another 6 months or a year to get used to my new bowel system.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned in my previous post that there was some puss in the wound, Doctors have advised not to take off my stitches until tomorrow (Monday), I hope my wound is dry, because any delay will mean that my post surgery chemotherapy will be delayed, which means I will be not seeing them any time soon.

Talking about family, I have had some breakdowns in last few days, specially when I saw the size of the wound, I just lost hope and missed my family soooooooo much! but then she’s been standing behind me like a pillar whenever I have lost faith, So I have renewed my faith in God and I know things will turn out good. So hoping for the best and not letting my spirit down even when things don’t look good.

That’s all for now… More tomorrow !

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Deliverance is here !

Wow ! I didn’t blog for the longest time… so here’s what happened

5th August : I got admitted at Joy Hospital Chembur, Bombay.

6th August : I got operated for ileostomy reversal by Dr Kamran A Khan (Surgeon Oncologist)

7th August : Pain .. not even liquids allowed … only IV drips

8th August : More pain … still no liquid allowed .. just IV drips .. Lips are all dried up .. But I am ok with that.

9th August : Puss in the wound .. but there is good news .. I pooped. Yes finally after 27 days of rest I finally pooped through my anal canal. Doctors are happy that things are going well. They tell me not to worry about the puss.

10th August : Water is given every half an hour .. but just 10 ml.. which tastes like drops from heaven.

11th August : I am told to take soups etc in the morning .. later Doctor tells me I can take soft food. Which again tastes so yummy.

12th August: Despite of eating moderate quantity .. poop has stopped. Doctors say not to worry as long as gases are passed. Which is kinda relieving to hear. Guess What?? I am discharged from Hospital by evening. Although the ‘dressing change’ episode kicked the life out of me.

13th August: I am home in Airoli. Feels good. Not much pain too.. In fact I didn’t sleep the whole day but spent time mostly on the internet. Feels good to be back !

Meanwhile certain developments, My uncle who is taking care of my wife and son has gone crazy, just because he has an unfaithful wife (or what he suspects her of) he’s doubting my wife, which is kinda sad, because I hate it when people whom you love get all protective and creepy. I should call him and give him a piece of my mind.. but wife says she can handle the situation. If only she knew driving she wouldn’t have taken that idiots help!! Hope I get on my feet soon and go home fast to settle all the issues before they get out of hand.

In other news, My website turned 3, yes Indianrockmp3.com is three years old and has 13,65,000 hits and 21,300 fans which kinda makes me happy. Although there are issues with typo’s and grammatical errors, I guess when you have 3k hits every day … who cares??

Nothing else for now, Just hope that, that creepy bastard stays away from my family !

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waiting to exert

So the second stage is set, I will be getting operated again on 6th. This time it will a minor surgery to remove my colostomy bag, so that I will be pooping like every one else. Last 21 days have been irritative, it’s not easy when your ass migrates to stomach and you have to poop in a plastic bag and empty it every 3rd hour. I feel for the people who have permanent colostomy bags.

Meanwhile life is getting better, had a bitter bout of cough for a week, really suffered because of that. Yesterday I got fed up and visited the local GP, she changed my medication and I feel so relieved today. Cough is gone! what a relief. All my stiches have dried up as well.

Nothing else now! life is very boring when You got nothing to do and can’t move around much. Hope things are for better in the second innings of my life.

 

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Green Stool but Be Cool !

So finally I am out of my diarrhea phase. Good part about is I learnt how to write DIARRHEA 😆 . It’s been raining cats and dogs in Mumbai for the last three days and I am under house arrest. But that’s ok, what matters is I am feeling fine and refreshed.

So this morning I was passing dark green coloured stool, which had me pretty scared for a while, but Dr Kamran says it’s a part of ileostomy.  I’ve got no other updates apart from I miss my kid so badly. He hardly speaks to me these days, I know he’s just 3.7 he has no clue what’s his father undergoing.

I got one more surgery on 6th probably which will put an end to my colostomy woes, but days pass soooooooooooooo slowly ! So slow ! Arghhhhh ! i hate this !

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