Archive for December, 2011


There is no greater pain than being betrayed by your own body.so my chemotherapy got cancelled again last week due to low platelets. It was 65 on 7th, 66 on 14th raised by JUST 1count, well that was very depressing, I’ve been very rude this week, I can’t stop profanities in my language. May be I look ok but deeply depressed. As I write this on 21st of December, I am waiting for my blood test results. Writing this from my phone, prayer is what I need, but I seem to be walking in the valley of death and totally lost right now!! God help me please!!

Update: blood result says “platelets 87” that’s still low but good enough to start the 4th cycle. So right now I am here listening to blackie lawless sing “rubber man” from the album dying for the world while oxaliplatin is running through my veins. Also Dr Chokshi has asked me to take 5 injections to increase WBC and platelet counts.

I Just feel good right now, thank you Lord

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Chasing a cure

So my chemotherapy got cancelled last week. Boy! I am pretty bummed about it, I hate delays, I want to get over and done with it. But my body is playing spoilsport, it did prior to my first surgery it’s doing it again. My platelet count went low, so Dr Bhaven adviced to postphone the 4th cycle by a week. During this week I ate like a hog, although things that I can eat are now limited to few things, I still hogged and hogged. Right now I am sitting at doctors office waiting for my turn while watching others read holy books of
their respective religions. Once again I have drifted away from God, don’t ask me why, but I know He remains faithful and find a way out for me.

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As warned earlier in one of my previous posts, I have been irregular to update here, since my real life is pretty boring, you wouldn’t wanna know it anyways


But if you insist on knowing what happened since Nov 14th, here’s the flashback


Got my CT scan report on the day of my 3rd cycle started, since Dr Chokshi had already left, I took the liberty to read the report by myself and started to tremble as the word ‘Lymph Nodes’ were written everywhere. Came home and hugged my wife and cried bitterly, but her being the ‘prudent’ wife asked me to send the report to Dr Khan and Dr Gore inIndia. Dr Gore replied after two days saying ‘the reports were normal and nothing to worry about’. Now you wouldn’t wanna know the pain I put myself for being such a jackass.


My 4th Cycle of capefox will start on the 7th. Since my Store manager already made an issue of being sick to the hierarchy for his own personal gains, I did push my day off to Wednesday instead of Friday and good news is my wife will be accompanying me for the first time. I really don’t want her to come as I usually take a nap at the hospital while they administer Oxaliplatin. But I can use her company I guess.


Meanwhile I got a tiny increment at work, I wasn’t expecting one since I have been out of work for the most part of the year, but I am thankful to the company  for being patient with me.


Oh ! the lines on my palms are cracking btw. Pretty painful got them taped so that I can work, hope 4th cycle goes well, this year being the coldest ever, I have terrible problem touching cold things because of the side effects. But hope God is watching and this ordeal ends on a good note


Also watch the movie 50 / 50 one of the most heart touching movies that I have seen in recent years.

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