If you try you may win or lose.. but if you don’t

YOU WILL DEFINITELY LOSE !

Well today was crazy brutal day! I was scheduled to undergo CT Scan at KCC. After spending a sleepless night I reached there by 6.30 am just so that I will be the first one to finish. And then I read the application it said 8AM and No scan without RFT test within a week. Luckily I had done a test at the private hospital yesterday, So I rushed all the way back to that hospital (almost 10 miles) to get that. Did a big mistake, took a wrong turn, what would have taken me 10 minutes took me nearly 45 minutes to reach. After collecting report (which were  normal by God’s grace) I rushed back to KCC.

Now they had me in shock when they asked me to pay 35KD for CT Scan where as I had just 20KD in my pocket. I was just started to get dizzy at this moment, after all that driving on empty stomach this wasn’t expected. I asked several guys if they knew where the nearest ATM was, after being misguided and landing at Maternity hospital by the seaside, I just parked the car and tried to call my wife, she did not pick the phone, after several tries I thought I couldn’t physically take this anymore, probably if I pushed myself further I might meet with an road accident. So I decided to give up and head home. Just when I WAS ABOUT TO EXIT .. I saw the ATM,just for a tiny second. JUST A TINY SECOND.Split second decision, turned the car around and withdrew money, paid the bill, got my CT scan done.

Meanwhile this male nurse groped me while I was on the CT Scan table, honestly it didn’t matter, Since my surgery I became so used to people, touching me,  giving me bath etc etc, I just ignored the dude who was taking advantage of his profession.

Anyways… what should have ended in failure was a success in the end, Just because I tried, let me say that louder BECAUSE I TRIED !!!  Somehow I am not scared of the results anymore, I had this bitter 2 weeks period where I went nuts and made my wife to breakdown. I realized that I was being a jerk with my situation, but then may be I am having mood swings because of the medication. But now I have made my peace, I am going to be as positive as Mount Everest, Gonna stand tall, No matter what!!

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RelationshiT

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, A LOT.  Last week at the church pastor was talking about relationships and how to maintain them even when we think the other person is wrong etc etc, but you see if you replace the P at the end with T relationship is Relationshit which is true in most of cases regardless how saintly you are. People always dump crap on you, and by people I mean your close relatives (now you know who they are). Certain thing happened to me, My dad called me to say that they were passing my inheritance (which is a house I helped them to build) to my son. Now let me be clear, everything that I work for is for my son, I want him to have the best in life, but when my Dad said that he was writing the ‘will’ in my son’s name IT HURT! IT BLOODY HURT. I asked him if he was sure that I was going to die soon, he had no reply to that. He called me back after a while to say that they will write it in my name.

Second incident being my sister who ‘couldn’t make it to my surgery to Bombay’ because of ‘all those reasons’ has gone to stay with her sister-in-law because her brother-in-law is undergoing dialysis IN BOMBAY!. That made me realize that nothing is wrong with the world, but I am evil, may be I don’t see it, but the world thinks that I am a waste and should be discarded at the earliest. It also made me realize that no matter how many gifts you take to people  who are not your immediate family they can never be your own, be it your sister, mother, father.

After all that crying for couple of days (which I believe is happening because of  mood swings which could be the side effect of chemo) I am done with all relationships. DONE !

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